It has been a while since last writing my thoughts in to the digital diary which, lets be honest, this effectively is. Since October, the snow has come and is still coming, Donald Trump hasn't yet been impeached, Putin is still secretly plotting to annihilate everyone, Facebook has stolen all our data and Harvey Weinstein is still a perv.
What has also occurred, but with far less fanfare and importance, is training for the London Marathon and forthcoming triathlon season. As has been mentioned before on this blog, the winter training brings the chance of reflection. The long indoor sessions, cowering from Winter's chill, leaves a lot of time to reflect on the ripples that life's pond presents to us. This winter has been no different.
There is plenty of mindless sweating and exertion that happens as the peddles spin and the music blares. Yet, it is particularly during the ever lengthening runs that reflection is strongest. As fatigue naturally sets in during the later stages of a particularly long run, the mind will wonder on a every winding path to nowhere and everywhere.
One particular theme that is on the reoccurring track that seems to play on endless repeat in my ears is the theme of appreciation. Admittedly, no coincidence that this is currently the theme of my guided meditation. However, there is an element that plays out in the behind the scenes footage of my mind. The Avett Borthers have a beautifully, poignant song on their current album called "No hard feelings". It's playing in my ears as I type. The song's lyrics resonate well in a life that has been somewhat jostled in the last few years. It explores many themes, but appreciation is one that rests within me the most.
It's not the "oh, I so appreciate my where I find myself today", or, "I really appreciate that" type of saying. Yet, it's more of a getting away with it appreciated. It's like a walk through a jungle full of hazards and waiting for something to strike you down, but forever dodging each proverbial bullet. There was indeed one massive strike in that jungle 3 years ago when my father died way too early. There's no doubt that it left an indelible mark in my ledger. However, with that exception, it feels like this life that has been presented is one of "getting away with it". I have been put in a position of security and safety, somehow, and it seems like I'm just getting away with it. This particularly popped up on to the film screen of life last night whilst playing indoor footie. My body has been letting me get away with plenty for the last few decades. Last night however, it was the first time I wondered to myself whether my ankles would have many more games in the tank. That is a fucking depressing thought to have.
There are many more miles left in the straight and narrow, singular approach that triathlon and long distance is. Yet, the side to side and gyrating side of sport may not be long in to my future. This is what brings that thought of getting away with it to the forefront of my mind. Meditation currently asks the question "what is it that you truly appreciate in life"? However, this reflection shows ripples that ask the other form of that question: what have I gotten away with for so long? People will argue you that this is indeed a odd form of appreciation, which is a fair point. However, the approach can be slightly different.
In two weeks, I'm sure I will have plenty of time to reflect further on this question bouncing around in my mind as I run the London Marathon. I can not wait for the experience. It is sure to be one like nothing ever experienced. Hopefully, the body will hold true and the ankles stay strong for the long run around London. Crossing that finish line will signal that the season is well and truly underway and the only thing standing between me and a long season of racing is work. The schedule is attempting to race 4 half IM distance races in 6 weeks, which, quite frankly, was a mistake at the time but is now a "fun" challenge. It shall be a lesson is recovery and intelligent training and racing. We shall see if I possess either. This endurance lark is a trip in to the unknown. I don't feel the need to see if i can go further, but whether we can reshuffle and reinvent how the endurance is tested. Some would argue it is a form of therapy. It's easy to see their reasoning, but if it works, it's probably the most expensive therapy in history and insurance isn't covering this one.
The London race report should be the next to follow. If my mind during the long runs is anything to go by, there is sure to be some mental stories to tell, along with the external ones.
Good luck to us all!
(I don't proof this shite. So all the mistakes are unintentional and pure written diarrhea)
